Courtney's Memoirs: Christmas Came in 2010

Christmas 2010 finally came and with it, for me at least, came a much needed does of Christmas spirit. This year it seemed that I was having the hardest time finding the Christmas spirit of charity, love, giving, and happiness. I cannot tell you exactly why this year was harder for me or why this year I seemed unable to really put forth my best foot and to feel the holiday glow. Perhaps it was the craziness of the move to North Carolina. Maybe it was the still unhappy feelings of no longer being engaged or getting to spend time with the man that I loved so much. Or it could have even been the frustration that I felt at moving back in with my parents (even though it should not be for very long) but the feelings that resembled failure that made it hard to swallow my independence and pride and to move back in.

Whatever the reason, even as Christmas drew closer I still found myself grumpy and sulky even though I was still going through the movements of preparing for Christmas. Even doing some of the service activities that my family regularly participates in around Christmas time- I was struggling to really feel happy or to feel the holidays take hold in my heart. On Christmas Eve Eve (December 23rd) I had a verbal argument with my dear mother where I, simply put, was a jerk. I realized how my mood and attitude had been and cried as I realized that I had no idea how to change it.

Christmas day was approaching quickly and nothing had changed. I was grumpy and unhappy and annoyed with life so therefore taking it out intermittently on my family and those around me. The night of Christmas Eve I finally did something that I should have done weeks earlier. I hit my knees and prayed to my Heavenly Father. I told him how I was feeling and asked to be able to feel a portion of the Christmas spirit and that love and charity in my heart. That evening the family gathered around for our annual reading of the Christmas story by candle light. I'm not sure at what point it hit me- but as I sat there in candle light with my family, listening to the story of a baby born into this world to save the world, I finally felt the spirit of the holiday take hold in my heart.

I had a fabulous Christmas Day. Music, laughter, excellent food, family, and good friends filled out house. I smiled and really meant it. I took care to help my mother and to be kind to my sisters. I received some wonderful presents and was happy to have given some gifts that seemed to make others happy. But the real gift that I experienced this Christmas was not one that I had ever really needed before. I have never before had a hard time gripping the spirit of Christmas almost immediately as the holiday drew near. But it so happened that my favorite gift this year was simply that change of heart that helped me to truly enjoy the day and to make some good memories with my family.

Some fun highlights: